Reflection and Progression

To look back is to understand, to reflect. To look forward is to progress, to move on. Standing still is nothing but stagnation.
— Daniel Yates

Many people use the turning of the year as a time to take stock, reflect and think about how their year has been and how they are going to try and proceed into the next year. Most years I tend to think about resolutions I would like to make and ponder those I made the year before. Sometimes it seems I've done well with my list - other times not so much.

This year I want to write more and so I am starting as I mean to go on and putting all this down in my blog.

This last year has been a pretty tough one for me, if not the toughest. Having been diagnosed with a brain tumour at the turn of the previous year I had spent a lot of time in hospitals having scans, tests and examinations with a view to surgically removing the tumour which was successfully done in June. A lot has happened in the time since then and it has been difficult to come to terms with and to adjust to. Prior to the tumour I had been successfully losing a LOT of weight that I had been carrying around pretty much all my life and going from being very active to very sedentary had the expected effect of lots of weight gain which has left me back at square one. This has been tough to deal with and this year I am resolved to turn things around and get back to where I was before all this happened.

Another issue that arose last year was the post op biopsy that was done on my tumour. Up until the surgery it was believed to be benign and non-cancerous but it later came to light that there was in fact a small degree of cancerous cells in the tumour. The doctors say they are hopeful that the tumour was removed before it could spread anywhere but I have had further scans on which I am still awaiting the results to find out if there has been any growth. I was never good at waiting and this has got to be the worst wait of my life. In this I am resolved to not be defeatist and face whatever comes my way head on.

Not to do things by halves though, some of the blood tests I have been having done showed a few things of concern with my liver and so I had to go for an ultrasound last November and was told just before Christmas day that I firstly have gallstones and need to have more surgery to have my gall bladder removed. On top of that I also have non-alcoholic liver disease and need to remove pretty much all fat, sugar and starch from my diet immediately. I am struggling at the moment to even eat more than 1500 calories a day (1000 less than you need) and I am hoping the appointment with the dieticians comes through soon!

On a more positive note I am resolved to write more this year, take more photographs and make a conscious effort to remove a lot of stress from my day to day life. I get very worked up very easily and I strongly feel that this is having a huge negative impact on my health. I want to start working on some video content to put online and possibly collaborate with some friends on shared videos. I want to do things that make me happy and stop worrying so much about things beyond my control. For this year at least I want to live in the moment, day by day, and focus inwards for a change. There I hope to find my creative spark that will drive me to accomplish a lot of what I have mentioned here today.

We can but try.