The Challenges of Life

When it comes to having a problem I am pretty much an all or nothing kind of person. The meaning of that being that almost all of the time I will not let people know what my problems are, for a multitude of reasons, and that is usually that. Sometimes though I get put into a position where I either have to tell people my problems because it is unavoidable or I need to tell people because of some moral, ethical or other personal reason. The reason for my post now is because I feel there is a need to let people know what is going on. I have been very irritable lately, snapping at people and sometimes just not making any sense and I don't think it is fair to be that way without people at least understanding what is behind it.

Some time ago now back in late 2012 I got myself a headache - nothing particularly nasty but it was a persistent bugger that stuck around for over a week of painkillers before I decided I'm off to see the doctor. Coming home with stronger painkillers and giving it another week didn't make much of a difference and so I just resolved myself to waiting it out. That went on for a good few months before I was back at the doctors complaining that it was now hurting a lot more and that it just hadn't stopped. More painkillers and another couple of weeks and we reached the point of being referred to a neurologist who initially diagnosed me with migraines and prescribed, yup, you guessed it, more painkillers albeit slightly different ones.

When I checked back in with him with no improvements, the next step was to have a CT brain scan, just to have a look inside my melon and see what's going on. At that point they discovered a cyst in the right side of my brain which as you can imagine was a bit of a shock. Going back to the neurologist once he had taken a look at everything he said that given where it is (inside some tube in the brain) shouldn't be causing too much of a problem and that for now they will just keep and eye on it - more importantly he doesn't think that it was responsible for the headaches seeing as the pain was on the left brain and the cyst was on the right. There was something else in the scan though that he couldn't make out properly so he booked me in for an MRI to have amore detailed look inside. It was after the MRI at my next appointment that I was told that as well as the cyst there was a tumour in there as well, sitting at the bottom of my brain near my pituitary gland.

That was the middle of last year and since then it has just been scans, scans and more scans followed by appointment and assessments. Apparently it is affecting my peripheral vision given its proximity to my optic nerves but there is nothing that I can tell so far. The last scan I had showed that it had grown quite significantly and so at this point it is going to be surgery to have at it and see if they can take it out. I see the surgeons in April but I have no idea when they are actually going to do it.

So there you have it, the current state of affairs. I am now going to collapse into a blob because writing this has proven to be a little harder than I expected. I don't want to sound ungrateful or unappreciative or such similar but please don't sympathise, well wish or pander. I know it is meant well but I am very much taking an attitude of, well as we say in the gaming world, 'zero fucks given'. It is was it is and the outcome will be what it will be. In the meantime I am just getting on with things the best I can and damn well looking forward to going to Egypt in 4 weeks - woohoo!

My LifeDaniel Yates